I’m here to declutter, but in that purging quest, I remembered the imperative heartbeat behind everything I do: to create community and weave stories.Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ 
KATHRYN BUDIG
 

DECEMBER 2024 EDITION
 

What’s good, fam,

I know (presume) what you’re thinking: No, Budig! Not another damn newsletter in the wasteland that is my inbox. But hear me out: this newsletter will only pop in to say hi once a month and I will strive to make it worth adding to your plate. Like paying extra for guacamole. Yes, please.

I’ve been reassessing the different facets of my life lately, trying to figure out where to cut back, work smarter, and create over-all improvement for my mental health and outlook on life. Which makes this newsletter seem a little … ironic? Why add another task to my already messy desk, you may ask? Well, what’s that saying executed in a syrupy Southern accent? Ah, yes: bless this mess.

Yeah, no β€” hard pass for me. I’m here to declutter, not accept it. But in my quest to purge, I remembered the heartbeat of everything I do: creating community and weaving stories. So here I am, inviting you to explore the different facets of my mind β€” a haunted house (haus!), if you will. In doing so, I think I’ll knock out some of the cobwebs and maybe even make friends with some resident ghosts.

But most importantly, it’s a vow to myself and to all y’all, to write from my heart, hopefully entertain you, and keep this community thriving.

So get comfy, pour yourself a beverage, and let’s dive in.
 

the living area.

Can you recall, once upon a time, when the question β€˜how are you’ didn’t feel like a personal assault? When you’d happily choose denim over sweat pants, or a time when the prospect of going out with friends felt like a good idea, dare I even say β€” fun?

Call it mild depression or simply an allergy to 2024, but shit has been ROUGH lately. And according to almost everyone I know, I’m not alone.

Let me paint you a picture: imagine me (hi!), sitting cross-legged with Ragnar on my lap (21lbs. becomes real heavy on the knees, y’all), who’s body is strategically propping up my left arm as I type (more on that injury later), while I resemble a retired extra from the cast of Zorro in a heated eye mask meant to calm my pissy sinuses that have resisted two different antibiotics and a round of steroids, only to find out I have a fungal infection and will need surgery in January.

Was that the world’s longest sentence? My high school English teacher would be so (not) proud.

Resistance, now that I type it, is a key word for me. My body has been wildly resistant to healing. Along with the sinus debacle, I’ve been dealing with a mysterious shoulder injury since August of 2023. At first, I thought it was just another tweak. Anyone who has practiced vinyasa or ashtanga long enough has some kind of shoulder woe, and in the past, a combo of rest and therapeutics normally patched me right up.

But this time was different. Rest made no difference. My doctor couldn’t figure it out, and my first PT (yes, I’ve seen and been dumped by three), incorrectly diagnosed it as referred pain from my neck.

So off I went to an upper cervical chiropractor β€” and can I just tell you, if you’ve looking for a good time, get your atlas adjusted. WOWEE. I basically had to kneel on the ground, resting my head on a padded stool, not dissimilar from a chopping block, praying for survival as I’d mumble, β€œLet them eat cake!”

The good news: I kept my head, worked out some kinks from years of neck injury from skydiving, BJJ, and stupidly putting my foot behind my head. Also, the chiropractor was great. The bad news: No shoulder relief. So I got an MRI (which wasn’t nearly as scary as the mortuary cooler I anticipated it to be) and the results came back: non-surgical partial tear of my left supraspinatos, structural issues, and high grade tendonosis.

My initial response was joy β€”I didn’t need surgery! But then reality settled in. wtf am I supposed to do now??

This is where I’ll speed up. After loads of research, I decided getting a PRP (platelet-rich plasma) procedure was the way to go. This also included prehab (a new word for my vocabulary) aka spending beaucoup bucks. And while I know PRP has helped many, it will come as no surprise that I was the outlier and found myself in even worse pain for a solid month after.

The saga continued, including two other PTs, a cortisone shot, needling, massage, working with a personal trainer, and finally, another MRI. I decided it was time to call on the big guns, and keep your fingers crossed, as this newsletter will drop in your inbox a day after my consultation with an orthopedic surgeon.

Keep in mind, all of this is happening as I continue to run and teach on my online platform Haus of Phoenix. The silver lining? My classes have become incredibly accessible and creative. Will you get loads of chaturangas and handstands? I mean, that’s totally up to you and I encourage students to listen to their bodies, but life without traditional sun salutations or even a nice stretch in downward facing dog β€” it has been both physically and emotionally hard.

I’ve been so worried about losing memberships because my classes are no longer β€˜challenging’ enough. I’m 42 (not young or old, but I’ll save my thoughts on that for another newsletter), am not sure who I β€˜appeal’ to anymore, but I’m definitely not selling an aspirational body or β€˜workout’. And anyone in fitness and wellness knows: skinny sells. In fact, the brands that make the most money thrives off of telling people they’re not good/skinny/young/tight/rich enough. Because that’s how you keep people shelling out money: insist something is wrong with them and that your offering holds the cure.

Look, I get it. I’m a human, trapped in an aging meatsuit, struggling to sever my relationship to unattainable perfection and vanity. However, my strong yet dimply ass is here to tell you to stop investing in these Capitalistic, societal lies. It’s a trap. Which is why I am so proud of inclusive platforms like Haus of Phoenix. We may not whoop your ass or promise you a snatched waistline, but we will be there for you, providing beautiful classes, meditations, and so much more. All reminding you to quiet the toxic ticker tape of the mind and replace it with the unstruck sound of our heart. And I believe that sound is you and me. I believe it’s called community and it’s going to save us.
 

the writing room.

You know what’s wild? Some of you have known me for a really long time. Many of you have practiced yoga with me for over 20 years, join our monthly Inky Phoenix Zoom, or chat with all of us on one of our Discord channels. You might even own one or two of my books, but I’ve been keeping a huge part of myself secret.

I’m actually a novelist.

Okay, THAT was a fun sentence to write. As in, let me shake off the immediate weight of impostor syndrome that came along with typing those words. Let me try again:

In a world of oversharing, it’s simultaneously thrilling and frustrating to hide a major part of yourself. I thrive on the lack of the needing the world’s approval, yet also hunger to be seen for who I know I already am.

Yes, I am an author. I’ve published books, but what you don’t know, is I’ve written (and am writing) novels. I’ve been waiting to β€˜earn’ the title, telling myself it isn’t real until I’ve sold a novel. You know, the American Way β€” hitching my self esteem to external success (like getting published). But in 2019, I wrote (and heavily edited) a novel. I went through the submission process without landing a home, and soon found myself questioning myself and ability. Something, it turns out, that every novelist has battled.

I’ll happily tell you more about this first novel in another newsletter, but I finally feel it’s time to open up and share what I have been working on: a modern-day retelling of the Medusa myth set in the NYC art world. I’ve wanted to write her story for almost a decade, and finally put pen to paper after Ashi died. There have been numerous road bumps and cause for writer’s block, but I’m saying this out loud to hold myself accountable. I’m around 30k words in, and maybe, if y’all want, I’ll share some excerpts and document my writing/publishing journey here.

WE SHALL SEE.
 

the kitchen.

I realize I’m burying the lead here, but one of my best friends, who also happened to be my mother-in-law, died suddenly of lymphoma complications in September. I have so much I want to write about her and I will when the time is right, but for now, I want to share an old recipe of mine: Butternut Squash Mac n’ Cheese.

This recipe was first featured in my book AIM TRUE, and has gone through many iterations since then. It ended up being the last home-cooked meal I made for Kathy. Delivered to her hospital room in a small tupperware, where she smiled β€” only being able to take a bite or two β€” praising how much she loved β€œKB’s cooking”. Damn, I miss you Mama Fagan. This dish is for you.
 READ THE RECIPE HERE 
 

the sofa.

My wife and I have a nightly routine: I cook dinner (or we order pizza, Indian, or if we’re feeling healthy, a buddha bowl) and we eat like little sea otters watching our favorite shows. Even Ragnar curls up with his yak cheese. These are our current favorites:

BAD SISTERS (season one): I know, I know β€” we’re late to the party. This show is such a good example of the importance of timing. We started this show two years ago, and for whatever reason, couldn’t get into it. We picked it back up again over the Thanksgiving break and now we can’t get enough. Also: Eve Hewson (Bono’s daughter) is my new hall pass.

THE DAY OF THE JACKAL: I just love me some Eddie Redmayne, and Eddie as an elite sniper executing on high-profile hits is mesmerizing.

AGATHA ALL ALONG: For all my witches, this is a must watch! We never watched WandaVision, and while I’m sure we missed a ton of Easter eggs, we felt it succeeded as a stand-alone. Also, good luck getting β€˜The Witches Road’ our of your head. Total banger.
 

the library.

Reading has NOT been easy for me lately. Between the dumpster fire that is the world, grieving, and trying to make room for running two businesses and writing a novel, reading for pleasure has been put on the back burner. HOWEVER, reading is part of my job (I’m the acquiring editor of the Bindery Books imprint, Inky Phoenix Press), and much of what I read these days are submissions. But may I recommend:

THE LOST QUEEN by Signe Pike: This is our December Inky Phoenix Book Club pick, and the first in an amazing Arthurian series. Imagine Camelot and Outlander having a baby. Plus the author is local to Charleston and a dear friend. Highly recommend picking up all three books in the series!

MODEL HOME by Rivers Solomon: I wouldn’t classify this as your typical haunted house story, but it does take the classic trope and turn it on its head. Gorgeous writing, raw, and an excellent examination of racism and segregation in an affluent Texas suburb.

STRANGE BEASTS by Susan J. Morris: If you haven’t heard me talk about this book yet you’re living under a rock. This is the debut from my publishing imprint, and it’s a glorious, sapphic romp through 1902 Paris following the descendants of Mina and Jonathan Harker from DRACULA and the daughter of Moriarty from SHERLOCK HOLMES.

THE THREE LIVES OF CATE KAY (Jan 7th) by Kate Fagan (my wife!): I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love this book. It's filled with astute observations that will make you nod and laugh, nostalgia for anyone raised in the 80s and 90s, and gives us the sapphic love story and cast of characters that every queer woman needs. She perfectly captures the intensity of youth, the unbreakable bond of friendship, the mesmerizing obsession with notoriety and fame, and the heartbreaking consequences of thinking success will complete you.
 

the closet.

For all my fellow fashionistas, I wanted to include a chunk to sate your sartorial needs. Here’s what (and who) I’ve been wearing lately:

This was my β€˜I’m an acquiring editor’ look for our bookshop crawl during the STRANGE BEASTS launch. Professional on top, party on the bottom!

Boots and button down: Simone Rocha
Jacket: Isabel Marant
Sheer skirt: Tibi

If current me had told not-current me that I’d not only own but love Crocs, I’d melt into a puddle of fashion shame. But when your favorite designer collabs with them YOU DIE (in the good kind of way).

Top: Le Bon Shoppe
Skirt: Tibi
Shoes: Simone Rocha x Crocs
Socks: Anthropologie

My style tends to blend traditional femme and masculine pieces, and this outfit made me EXTREMELY HAPPY. Will be busting this one out again and again.

Top: Free People (the tie is part of it)
Bustier and jeans: Tibi
Jacket: Isabel Marant
Shoes: Sam Edelman

When you get invited to a tartan ball, you take the assignment seriously! And y’all: This is a 2 for 1: a mini dress with a belted bustle. SWOON.

Dress: Selkie
Boots: Sacai
 

Okay, this is a one chunky bunny of a first newsletter, but like I said β€” it’s only dropping once a month! Hope you enjoyed some reading time, and until next month, come practice on Haus of Phoenix and get your read on with The Inky Phoenix!

x Kathryn
 

Kathryn Budig, Charleston, United States

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