FEBRUARY 2025 EDITION

Hi, I’m Kathryn and I’m a workaholic.

Phew, that was cathartic to write. Or rather, to recognize … acknowledge? All of the above? Semantics aside, taking time off from work to recover from my surgeries has been quite the wake up call to how this little brain of mine works.

(Spoiler: it spins on overdrive 99% of the time.)

But in acknowledging my incessant need to create, I cracked into the true heart of the matter: I can’t remember the last time I stopped to take care of me. And as you read on, you’ll learn why I find the term ‘self care’ triggering, what I’m doing to combat that belief, fun new acronyms to throw into your daily vocabulary, and how this pivot in care is truly, miraculously working (as I guffaw, doggedly writing this newsletter, which yes — is another form of my incurable need to create).

And with that cacophonous intro, gather round! Let’s catch up and dive into this month’s edition of my (our) Haunted Haus …

the living area.

I was going to open this section with talking about January being the longest month of my life, but I think we can all (at least roughly 50% of us) agree that January 2025 hit like a ton of Flamin’ Hot-Cheetos, chewing gum-coated (the kind you have no choice but to cut from your hair) bricks. And on that universal note, please refer to the bottom of this newsletter where I’ll link resources to stay active and maintain some level of sanity. But since this is my newsletter, I’m going to resume writing about my personal experiences.

We left off last month with a cliffhanger: my pending shoulder surgery, which honestly went GREAT. I’m not embarrassed to admit I was terrified — everyone told me this surgery was the hardest; the most painful — and while I have an extremely high threshold for pain, it doesn’t mean I want to experience it. But the surgical team was fantastic, and evidently the first thing I blurted out as I came to (which I do not recall) was, “Wow, those are some serrrrrriously epic drugs. Can someone grab me some French fries and a frosty?”

Yup, even mostly anaesthetized, girl be dreaming about food.

My amazing wife then drove me back to my sister’s farmhouse (I had surgery in Chicago) where I convalesced (imagine me sprawled ((meticulously propped up)) like a post-bitten Lucy from DRACULA, but in sweats) with the help of my foam wedge pillow set and an incredibly diligent Ragnar. Still nerve-blocked and numb, I took the advice to ‘get ahead of the pain’ by starting my narcotics, and let me tell you: we DID NOT get along (but thanks for getting me through the first 48hrs). Also, my wife is a total rockstar (I love you so much!) and even cooked for me (while I shouted instructions from the couch). This is where it should be noted that I only had Kate for a week post-op as she couldn’t get out of her UK book tour obligations. Drained and nervous after a full month of rejections, I feared no one could make it to rural Indiana to help me out when *cue the fanfare*, one of my oldest and dearest friends came a-blazin’ to my rescue: the one-and-only Gina Caputo!

For those of you who don’t recognize her name, she is a renowned yoga teacher, (we even led a TT together) health coach, and one of the smartest, funniest, and most generous people I know.

For example, our idillic snowy weather dropped down to -4°F upon Gina’s arrival, and she was tasked with taking Ragnar out to go ‘biffy and bombs’ — our weird family verbiage for ‘dog business’. Being a Charlestonian, Ragnar basically started to malfunction once his delicate footsies hit the snow. And what did Gina do? Scooped him up like a wee football while rubbing his toe beans (can I say that about a dog? Well, imma do it.) to keep them toasty between plopping him down in ‘better’ locations. What a champion (but yeah, he still didn’t poop).

Alongside Ragnar falling in love with Auntie Gigi, I fell back in love with my old friend. You know the kind: you don’t see each other for years because life keeps doing its thing, but you manage to pick up right where you left off — but it’s even better, because you’ve both evolved and geek out over sharing what you’ve learned about being alive.

I’d be remiss to not share a few of my favorite Gina takeaways from the trip.

Pertaining to partnership: before responding to your partner or friend during a heightened interaction, ask them: HHH — do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged? (Turns out being heard and hugged is medicinal AF.) Which also converged with her concept of, “do you want to be right, or do you want to be close?” Yeouch. A stinging truth.

On top of this dragon’s hoard of treasure, Gina gave me the ultimate gift — expert health advice and guidance when I needed it most. I opened up about the physical and mental struggles I’ve experienced with this injury (more on that in ‘the basement’), how I’ve felt like I’m living in someone else’s body, and now, with this successful surgery under my belt, how I can finally feel the the clouds parting and want to hitch a ride onto this unicorn headed to The Rainbow of Hope. She immediately asked about my health goals (to change my body composition, feel freedom in my body, and be wicked strong) and started to educate me on the importance of complete protein intake to build lean muscle for perimenopausal (hi, that’s me!) women. She used words like ‘energy’ instead of ‘calories’ (can I get a fuck-body-shaming-culture amen as we reclaim positive verbiage around our bodies?!), and taught me concepts around daily movement like, “Instead of approaching new behaviors as all or nothing, approach them as all or something. If you can’t do the full thing, do SOME thing. That daily commitment to your well-being is what creates lasting change.”

Next thing you know, I’m doing 45 minute AM tread walk/hikes (while blasting music from the Aughts, so really dancing. Prancing?) in my sling, followed by 15 minute sunset workouts tailored to protect my shoulder while keeping my core and legs strong, followed by happily chomping on protein within 45 minutes after my movement. I’ve kept this up for the past month (with the exception of sinus surgery recovery), and y’all: I feel like me again. Maybe not the arm balancing queen of the olden days, but I have gained the utmost patience for my upper body healing because I’m fueling my body with goodness and moving it in the ways I can. I share this, because I have a feeling lots of my yogis know how frustrating it is to lose your practice. How dramatic it feels; like you’ll never survive without your mat. Like a slippery slope — the beginning of the end. And maybe I’ll never be ‘the same’ again, but I’ll definitely be the evolved version. One who has learned patience (perhaps the ultimate goal of yoga) and the pathway back to feeling different, but whole.

Dare I say, like a phoenix.

the basement.

“Would you prefer me to be ashamed?” she asked. “My appearance is the least of my qualities. You’ll look like this one day,” she said. “They hate us enough. Don’t hate yourselves, too.”

• WITCHCRAFT FOR WAYWARD GIRLS by Grady Hendrix

The above excerpt takes place after an old woman completely strips down to her birthday suit in front of a group of young, pregnant women (I swear this all makes sense in the context of the book). Upon reading her ownership, confidence, and conviction around her age and physical appearance — it took my breath away. This character managed to capture all of my profound feelings around aging, having a body, and being a woman. Let’s break this down:

“Would you prefer me to be ashamed?”: Okay, sucker punch to the gut. I feel so called out. I have been deep in my Shame Era, literally standing in front of the mirror, fucking with different angles and lightening, hoping the encroaching dimples are a result of a crappy mirror. Worrying that my wife thinks I’ve let myself go; that she’s married to an old lady. That I’ll never be able to wear a bathing suit in public again.

“My appearance is the least of my qualities.”: GAH FUCK YES. I know this to be true. Deep in my bones; my ancestors whispering in my blood. I am not my body; I am not even my mind. Especially the mind, who tortures me with leaden stories of guilt and shame.

“You’ll look like this one day”: As I always say, we’re just souls wrapped up in a meat suit. Our soul is eternal, but our meat suit is slowly rotting away. Not sexy, but not wrong. Enjoy your body now, today. Notice what works, what you love about it. To quote David Foster Wallace, “Worship your own body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly, and when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally plant you.” That’s right. We will all be planted; returned to the earth from whence we came. So start living now.

“They hate us enough. Don’t hate yourselves, too.”: Screw the patriarchy. Stop dressing and performing for the male gaze. Liberate yourself from the Capitalistic expectations of beauty. Listen to your your body’s needs, celebrate strength and freedom of movement, take up space instead of shrinking into the crushable smallness they use to control us, dress for self-expression, embrace who YOU are: these are glorious acts of defiance.

the writing room.

I have absolutely no updates on my MEDUSA manuscript, and I write this with happy, clacking fingers. (Imagine the final punctuation of that sentence with a verbose, hand-flying flourish!) Why should a writer be happy about adding donuts to their word count in the last month? Because A. I’ve had one arm in a sling, and turns out wedging a keyboard under my left hand did not a happy shoulder make, and B. I’m coming to terms with the endless amount of pressure I’ve put on myself (my entire life?) to constantly create. For example, when I found out I needed two surgeries, almost back-to-back, I immediately thought — so much down time to work on my book! But then I discovered post-op drugs make it hard to look at a computer screen (and poop, just FYI); that having two functioning arms makes for a much more enjoyable writing experience, and that maybe it’s okay to sleep and put 100% of my energy into healing my body instead of pushing ALL THE TIME.

So I stopped and exposed my vulnerable underbelly. I let my tiny team of two (three if you count me) take the reins at Haus of Phoenix. I jumped on one Bindery Books Zoom in the two weeks following shoulder surgery and nearly forgot to join the meeting. All of this was mildly terrifying at first, because, you know — momentum! I’ve always been a shark, so what happens if I stop swimming?

Rest, Kathryn. Rest is what happens when you stop swimming and it is delightful fuel for future creativity. I’ve been so caught up in the idea of ‘self care’ being a capitalistic endeavor — a cloaked term for privileged folks spending money on themselves or using it as an excuse to not care about the world around them. But turns out you can take care of your community AND take a step back at the same time. I always fall back on my favorite quote from Haus of Phoenix teacher and dear friend Kate Counts: rest is revolutionary.

Taking this step back has allowed me to brainstorm without the pressure of a self-imposed timeline. I feel more connected to my publishing imprint than I ever have, and WOW, do I have some seriously exciting announcements coming down the pipeline. The cover reveal for LOCAL HEAVENS is right around the corner and I will be announcing two new acquisitions in the near future, one of them extremely unique which will provide a fascinating ride for my fellow writers/book lovers.

If the above intrigues you, please consider joining our Inky Phoenix x Bindery Books membership. You can follow for free, or $5/month gives you full book club access (monthly Zooms with our fam, early ebooks of everything we publish, book club Discord access), $12/month gives you publishing access, which means advanced finished copies of all our books, access to all publishing behind-the-scenes content, even more Discord access, and $25/month makes you a freakin’ PATRON OF THE ARTS. You get everything I’ve talked about plus your name mentioned in the acknowledgments of all of our books and invites to our book launches. And no matter what your tier, you can feel really good about yourself knowing your financial contribution goes towards publishing new and deserving voices, giving them an equitable future (we give our authors 50% royalties with is way above the average 10%), and amplifying important voices. I’m just so proud to be part of this company. And to be in community with YOU.

On that note, you can learn more on our Bindery page or explore the Inky Phoenix website. And if you join, make sure you connect your Discord on your Bindery account page to get full access. I’m on there chatting with the fam everyday, so see you soon (she hopes!).

the kitchen.

the sofa.

SNL 50 Radio City Music Hall Concert: Holy nostalgia! Unbelievable performances from a wide range of superstars, but what moved me to tears was seeing artists I’ve loved since childhood still rocking it decades later. Post Nirvana? Chills. Cher in a fully bedazzled semi-sheer leotard and leather jacket? Iconic. Lauren Hill!?! I die.

The White Lotus: Squeeeee, it’s back! Only one episode so far, but I’ve never been to Thailand and am happy to do so though this lens. Only complaint: where are the iconic opening music wee-woos?!? Major fail.

Yellowjackets: Honestly, the last season went a little off the rails for me (there’s only so much cannibalism a girl can take), but it’s still a romp, so we tuned in. Missing Juliette, but love Elijah Wood and Christina Ricci forever. Plus this season is super sapphic, so — score!

the library.

In honor of Black History Month and upholding the deep importance of DEI, here are some of my favorite books by Black authors. For all my non-Black readers: reading is an act of resistance. A constant connection to curiosity and growth. Read outside of your comfort zone. Pick up books that weren’t ‘written for you’. Expand your reading; expand your mind, expand your understanding.

JAMES by Percival Everett

BEASTS OF PREY Series by Ayana Gray

CHAIN-GANG ALL-STARS by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah

KINDRED by Octavia E. Butler

WHITE SUPREMACY IS ALL AROUND by Dr. Akilah Cadet

I’d also like to recommend following or becoming members of some of my favorite Black Bindery imprints and tastemakers including:

My fellow publishers:

Michael LaBorn of Left Unread Books: Dismantling systems of oppression one book at a time.

Marines of Mareas: Connected by stories

And tastemakers:

Jahid of Scribe Tribe: With words we feel, and with stories, we heal.

Amivi of Sapphic and Proud

Krystal of Written Reverie: Always lost in a fantasy book.

the closet.

As you can imagine, I haven’t really been out and about much. However, my mom did gift me what I’m calling a ‘recovery tutu’ from my beloved Simone Rocha, so here are some photos of me testing it out between shrieking and bouncing like the 4-year who always dreamed of owning a tutu like this. I also dressed up for mom’s 82nd birthday dinner. Oh, and I got dressed to attend Kate’s keynote speech at the Summerville Literary Festival that I ended up moderating. Marriage, amirite?

the panic room.

Part of the reason I’m devoting myself to this newsletter is knowing it’s a much healthier medium than the landmine-ridden landscape of social media. I officially have a time cap on how long I can spend on IG per day, and am deliberating on how to engage my community and move away from Meta. So if you’re reading this — thank you. If you’re part of Haus of Phoenix or a member of Bindery x The Inky Phoenix — thank you. If you’re active in either of our Discord communities — thank you. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: community will save us.

And if you’re looking for a way to stay sane while being part of the resistance everyday, may I recommend:

Resistbot: This is the easiest way to flood your representatives inboxes everyday. You can download the app and/or add Resistbot as a contact on your phone, then text TRENDING to see what petitions are happening and which ones you want to sign. A few clicks and done.

5 Calls: This is a free app that takes all the work out of calling your representatives. Just plug in your zip so they can connect you to important causes, relevant representatives for that issue, and even a pre-written script and easy buttons to push that will directly call each Congress member.

Okay okay, this newsletter turned into a serious thicc boi (our nickname for Sir Ragnar Ashison). Thanks for spending time with me, and as always, I love hearing from you and feel free to hit me up with anything you’d like me to write about in the future. I’ll leave you with this sweaty photo of me, post tread hike, filled with optimism for myself, my fam, and how powerful and determined we all are.

x Kathryn