JANUARY 2025 EDITION

What’s good, fam,

I am breaking all the rules.

Here I am, writing on December 31st (but this is a JANUARY newsletter!), also known as New Year’s Eve, prepared to tell you it’s all a damn hoax.

Let me explain. 

I am currently typing (with two hands) —like the mutinous rebel I am — because I still can. That is my cryptic teaser of saying I AM GETTING SHOULDER SURGERY. You can find me in the deli section under sliced meat come January 13th, so I thought I’d make use of my left hand while I can instead of plunking away with a finger (although I may write another newsletter in that fashion out of sheer madness). But more on this shoulder mess a few paragraphs down … as well as the second sinus surgery I’m getting in early February (lololololololol).

Back to my original thought: not sure how your holiday season went, but Christmas was cancelled in our household (first time we’ve skipped decorating a tree) and I know people who threw their tree to the curb by 5pm on December 25th (beast mode, and I like it). But let’s talk about why I’m cancelling New Years …

My Haus of Phoenix family knows I follow the traditional pagan calendar, celebrating solstices and equinoxes. And as I huffed and puffed through my last training of 2024 with Kate Counts, she shared a recent experience where a very sexy — a completely unimportant detail, yet let’s paint a proper picture — Irish warlock taught her about the importance of listening to nature. How winter, in the Northern Hemisphere, is a time of quiet. A time when much of the world is barren, dormant, and covered in a muted blanket of snow. The winter season, similar to the darkness of the new moon cycle, is a time to move inward; to hibernate and nurture introspective thoughts. It is not the ideal time to turn into a ‘new and better you’ — that’s what spring equinox is for. And y’all, she won’t be here until March 20th, so can we just take a collective exhale and crawl back into bed with our journals?

Okay, glad we’re on the same page. Once you have on your favorite sweats and your phone on mute, let’s continue.

the living area.

Where to begin …

First off, y’all can start calling me Persephone, because come spring equinox, I am going to burst out of this dreary underworld like a delighted daffodil! I just need to knock out this shoulder surgery. Then three weeks later a sinus surgery.

-deep breath-

For all of those wanting the gory details: I have a bone spur, a royally messed up bursa, need to have my bicep tendon reattached to a new and better location, and the doctor won’t know until he’s in there, but most likely some serious rotator cuff reconstruction. That means 3-5 weeks in a sling followed by 3 months of physical therapy. Three weeks later, I’ll be getting my second sinus surgery to remove a fungal infection. (Picture mushrooms sprouting from my head like one of those zombies on The Last of Us).

Then, goddess willing, I will be done with surgeries. I will rock a cute mustache bandage for a week as I hide from the world, which brings me back to my original point — now is the time to burrow! I realize everyone reading this might not be getting surgeries, but if you’re not feeling perky, so be it. Save that goodness and take nature’s cue. Basically, tits out on March 20th, people. Be ready.

What does that mean for Haus of Phoenix? Well, we have an awesome pre-programed 31 day challenge happening through the end of January, and you can expect new classes from Gustavo Padron and Kate Counts in February. As soon as I’m not wearing a mustache bandage, I’ll be back for Meditation Mondays, and I’ll hopefully come up with a one-armed moon ritual for us. All this to say, the schedule will morph, but the goodness will stay the same, and I thank you all for being flexible with this thing called life that keeps on life-ing.

the basement.

(where I share my darkness)

A note on how I’ve been feeling: I would say I haven’t felt like myself for a good year and a half. Pretty sure I’ve had this fungal infection for two years thinking it was bad allergies and the deep limitations for my shoulder and physical freedom has made me cranky. I’m even considering getting a treadmill so I can hike as I recover. Like, WHO AM I? Add losing Kate’s mom this past September, and all I can definitively say is I’m entering my potato era: they’re round and they sprout things. (Get it? Fungal infection?) I had to do some pre-op blood work and accidentally saw my weight on the test results. Normally, I never, ever, look at my weight. We don’t even own a scale. Because why would you live your life by a number? I instantly spiraled. I’m at my heaviest, and with all the stressful factors piling up, I often find myself drowning in a pit of despair.

Now I’m learning how to deal with injury, chronic sickness, grief, anxiety, stress, and oh yes, perimenopause. I often feel like a lump of flesh clinging to a rickety rollercoaster car, tethered to a renegade unicorn who is trying to impart wisdom in a language I don’t understand.

Anyone else feel this way?

Which is why I had the words ‘all of this is temporary’ tattooed on my arm last year. It’s even written in faded typewriter font, because this story I’m living moves so very fast. It’s a reminder to step outside of my silly human meat suit, to drop the societal expectations of aging and beauty, and that any and all of this can be taken from me in a heartbeat.

All of this is temporary …

All of this is

All of this

All of

All

…

Addendum on Jan. 12:

My wife is living out every author’s wildest dream while also being the most anxious and stressed I’ve ever seen her. I’m ecstatic for Kate and our family, while also battling the deep fear that no one deserves this much. That we’ve expended all of our good karma. That I will never come close to this level of success when I finish my novel. That deep down, I still crave validation through capitalistic markers, even though I see the hollowing effect it has on people.

Combine this with a phone call on Kate’s book launch day: my insurance company has denied my shoulder surgery. We have no choice but to pay the astronomical cost out of pocket. (Side note: we have United Healthcare. Yup.) I’m filled with rage — less so for myself, because we are privileged to have the money to make this work — but for all the people who live in pain, who can’t do their jobs, who go into massive debt all because insurance companies are trained to deny, deny, deny.

Then Los Angeles caught on fire. Homes are destroyed, lives are lost, people, friends — complete devastation. And here I am, playing my small egotistic violin over wanting MORE. More success, more freedom in my body. I returned home from Kate’s tour to a house free of flames, with the ability to work though conflict with ease, and holy hell — so much gratitude. I have everything I need, and now is the time to give back, so I hope you’ll join Kate Counts on Haus of Phoenix January 25th at 10am ET for a donate-what-you-can class to benefit displaced families in the Altadena region of LA.

Let’s help each other out of this basement.

the writing room.

Kate and I used to walk our girls, Keonah and Ashi, through Hampton Park in Charleston, sharing our publishing daydreams. I’d let my heart out of it’s cage, imagining the cover of my debut novel smiling back at me from the airport bookstores. Smiling back at me in the hands of a stranger at a coffee shop, maybe even being picked up by some celebrity bookclub or big book box company.

Fast forward to January 7th, Kate’s debut novel’s birthday, and what is the first thing we see as we walk to our gate to kick off her book tour? HER BOOK IN THE AIRPORT BOOKSTORE! Face out! So shiny! Next to seriously famous books — my baby!!

And it’s the Target pick for January. One of the Book of the Month picks (we were SO CLOSE to this for STRANGE BEASTS), and wow wow wow, can’t believe I’m typing this: she is the Reese Book Club January pick. Yes, REESE WITHERSPOON; the bend and snap queeeeeeen!

It’s wild. It’s also been a fascinating study to watch all of these dreams fall into place as the rest of our life remains quite stressful and sad. I (we) somehow thought achieving these dreams would feel like an injection of sparkles, if you will. That boost that floats your ass into the air like a goddamn literary superhero, and yet, it’s been — cool?

Don’t get me wrong, the gratitude runs deep, but the burst of endorphins is short. Almost immediately, the unexpected becomes expected, the unachievable normal, and the goalpost continues to inch forward. Then stress and fear rears back up, alongside the reminder that happiness has nothing to do with career or accolades or monetary gain.

I share this because maybe you’re thrilled for my wife, and realistically, maybe some of you are hate reading this (I totally get it. Been there and will be there again, and will hopefully get better and better at catching myself before belly flopping into my cup of catty tea). But after watching this process first-hand, I can tell you — yes, it is cool. Amazing, even. But I would pick a night in with my wife and Ragnar eating amazing food over accolades any and everyday. Success comes from happiness, not the other way around.

A note on MEDUSA and my writing: Baby, I’m back! I’ve made some solid progress over the winter break. I finally got through the hardest scene, which includes tackling the topic of rape and trying to transmute the pure terror of that trauma alongside the curse of having your hair ripped out and replaced by a pit of seething snakes. Seriously … can you even imagine?!

My MEDUSA reimagining jumps storylines including my take on the original lore, as well as the flesh-and-blood woman living in current-day New York. It’s rife with myth, but told in a modern voice, as I’m doing my best to let you see through her eyes. I no longer want her to be some hypothetical monster, but the story of a woman who is shifting her trauma into revenge, her revenge into redemption.

More soon:)

the kitchen.

My favorite part about Christmas is going to my sister’s amazing farm house outside of La Porte, Indiana, where we cook up loads of delicious meals. We basically train for this all-year, swapping Instagram reels and NYT Cooking recipes. This year, we focused on two of our social media favorites: Carolina Gelen (@carolinagelen) with her Pass the Plate cookbook and Justine Doiron (@justine_snacks) with her Justine Cooks cookbook.

My favorite was this cheesy cracker thing from Justine: it’s just extra virgin olive oil, shredded parm, Calabrian chili paste, and castelvetrano olives. You don’t really need a recipe to make this, and if I were to do it again, I’m not sure I’d add any olive oil because we ended up patting the thing down like a New York slice (iykyk). We didn’t have paste, so we used chopped Calabrian chilis (recommend), and she calls for 40 minutes in the oven which feels ridiculous. Truly, it will take no longer than 10 minutes. The key is letting it rest and solidify so you can cut it into ‘crackers’.

You could always just melt parm in this style and call it a day, but I’m going to play around with combos: white bean, caper, lemon zest? Chickpea, za’atar, chili flakes? Calabrian chili, orange zest? Go wild, friends!

the vanity.

Welcome to a new room! This is the section where I’ll share my favorite skin and beauty products. Today’s newsletter is dedicated to my newest obsession: U Beauty. Female founded, this cruelty-free brand focuses on ‘transparency, efficacy, and simplicity’, and Kate and I can’t get enough. These are our current favs:

THE SUPER HYDRATOR: If I could drink this I would. Use this after your serum and before a final moisturizer (if you still need one). This product makes your skin bouncy and dewy. Crucial during the winter months.

THE BARRIER BIOACTIVE TREATMENT: I started off with little samples of this and ordered it immediately. They say you only need to use it 2-3 times per week, but I use it whenever I’m feeling extra. It’s the finishing ‘sealer’ for your routine, inspired by the immortal jellyfish.

RESURFACING BODY COMPOUND: One of my favorite parts about U Beauty is how they create products for the body with the same detail as they do for the face. I’m 42 (not young, not old) and my skin texture has … shifted. This product alone with The SUPER Body Hydrator gives me that extra boost of confidence and makes me feel like I’m taking proper care of ALL my skin; not just my face.

THE PLASMA LIP COMPOUND: This lip ‘gloss’ comes in a variety of of gorgeous shades, and it claims to plump, hydrate, and contour the lips. I just know it feels excellent and creates the perfect glossy lip. Only downside: price and not the best taste. I still love it though.

the sofa.

SHRINKING: Don’t sleep on this show. It’s labeled as a comedy (and it is extremely funny — Jessica Willams is a comedic goddess and I worship at her altar), but wow, do they know how to pull at the heart strings. At the end of the day, this show is about the importance and power of community and chosen family.

BLACK DOVES: A British spy thriller staring Keira Knightly, who I’ve loved since Bend it Like Beckham, Ben Whishaw (one of the most dynamic actors on TV, but I wish he could relax with the weird tongue movement), and cameos from my TV boyfriend, Andrew Koji — if you haven’t watched Warrior, get on that ASAP. We devoured this show and it’s already been green lit for season two, so yay!

THE SUBSTANCE: Okay, so Kate and I watched this movie a few days ago, and while the message is incredibly powerful, I just CANNOT do body horror, and this movie is truly nasty. Audaciously gross but wickedly clever, and I will never stop loving Demi Moore. So, do I recommend? I honestly don’t know. Just be prepared.

the library.

I was about to say I’ve been slacking, but turns out life is just coming at me really fast. By the time we crawl into bed (my prime time to read) I can only get through a few pages before passing out. Also, I’ve been deep in reading submissions for Inky Phoenix Press, trying to find our next acquisition! Hopefully there will be a spring announcement for something amazing. Until then, this is what I’ve read and am looking forward to:

SISTER SNAKE by Amanda Lee Koe:

THE MANOR OF DREAMS by Christina Li

WITCHCRAFT FOR WAYWARD GIRLS by Grady Hendrix

THE FAVORITES by Layne Fago

the closet.

What I’ve been wearing lately: the Haus of Phoenix retreat and Kate Book Tour Edition:

Okay, my loves. I need to go cook my final dinner with two hands before Kate rolls me into surgery tomorrow (four days ago for y’all reading this). Thanks for taking the time, and also to everyone who shared their stories and feelings from the last newsletter.

Until February, here’s a photo of me holding a chicken.

x Kathryn